I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
