I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
