How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
