We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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