I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
