Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
