stop calling my apartment porn island.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
