Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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