you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
