Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
