...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
