Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
