drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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