Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize