You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
