Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
