he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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