Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this just has baby written all over it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
