Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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