i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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