so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Are my feet made of real feet?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
