They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
