Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
