Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
