I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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