he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
