I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize