i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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