Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
