are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
