just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
