I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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