now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
