He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
