shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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