then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
