I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
