I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
