I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bring me that man meat
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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