I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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