you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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