angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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