last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We need to get me chipped asap
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
