let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
two words...techno handjob
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
