At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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