You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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