if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
