Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
