where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
