My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
