Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
