It's like God shit irony all over that family
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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