Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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