He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
