How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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