Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
