so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
