that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
