I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
