I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
