I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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