Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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