just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
