I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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