Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
