Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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