i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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