I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize