I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
