Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
