I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
